Despite my very best efforts, some days are just bad days. Today was a *bad* day. I struggled just to be able to speak and answer The Colonel's questions when he tried to talk to me. He absolutely doesn't understand, but he accepts. It's time to *try* to find a therapist again. I've resisted and resisted, because it is so fuckinghard to get someone competent, and who will take military insurance. Then there is the not small stress of actually getting to appointments, being able to follow a logical progression of things to talk about. There is a ton of shit I need to work through. A really big thing is, of course, family. Since I've been "home" for the last 4 years, the family stuff has been incredibly hard and weird to deal with. I've already decided to completely cut ties with ALLof my brothers. The "ha, ha"part of that is they won't even notice, really. The Colonel has been ready to stop dealing with them for years. I would really like to cut off my mother also, but she is 80+ and lost my dad last March.
I definitely need to concentrate and cultivate my "chosen" family now, which is a very, very small group. The people on Lj, Tumblr and such are an important part of that group.